as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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