Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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