I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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