Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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