Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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