We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
