I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
