R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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