I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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