Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
