sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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