Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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