you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
