; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
