I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
