I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
