I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
