I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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