Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
