he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
