This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
