I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
