My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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