apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
