You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
