he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
