im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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