'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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