Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
