no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
