Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
