my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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