This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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