my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize