Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
