then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
