i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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