Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
