I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
