i just wanna soil my oats bro
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
