Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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