oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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