dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
