dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
