Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize