she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
