there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
