Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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