Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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