so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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