there's paper in my vomit.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
