Where is the hickey?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
