you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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