my phone needs a breathalizer
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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