yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
