I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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