It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You smell like stripper and shame
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
