yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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