I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
