Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
