remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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