did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my shit smells like andre
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
