She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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