I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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