I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
