i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
