you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Randomize
