end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
