you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
