I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
