I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
