She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
