You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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